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 November 2007 Post Book Essays "Checking In" - Thursday, November 22, 2007 "Almost There and Back Again" - November 11, 2007 "Checking In" - Thursday, November 22, 2007 Well, it's been a little over a week since I started my new chemo in a Phase I clinical trial back in Nashville. This has been a mixed bag. I am still weak from my 19 days in the hospital in late October and early November so it has been hard to tell whether the way that I feel is largely from that or from the new drug. I've had some diarrhea with it (the most common side effect), but not as severe by any stretch as what I've experienced on other drugs. I am just exhausted. I have to remind myself of the gains I'm making and where I was just three short weeks ago, when I was being transferred from nearly a week in the ICU back to a regular room. I couldn't walk at that point. I still had chest tubes. I remember trying to do simple arm exercises that the PT gave me and being brought to tears by how difficult it was to reach out in front of me or lift my arms over my head. I've learned to walk again with a walker and am actually not using it around the house, toddling my way from room to room. I can shower on my own now, although I'm careful to gauge my energy and leave some rest time afterward. I can wash my own hair, so getting my arms up over my head is resolved. Mentally integrating how gravely sick I was has been a challenge. I've lost large chunks of time, like nearly all of the time I was in the ICU. That's probably a good thing. I'm feeling well enough to be up and around but lousy enough not to want to do much yet. It's a kind of no-man's-land. I'm tired of TV. I can read some, but my concentration is still wavering. It feels good to try to write, but it takes more effort than is normal for me. All of these things are frustrating. I remind myself again of the strides I've made. We go to Steve's son's home for Thanksgiving
today. That's a long way from Sarah Cannon Cancer Center three
weeks ago.
"Almost There and Back Again" - November 11, 2007 It's been a while since I put up a blog, just about three weeks ago. I've had Medical Adventures of all sorts since October 19 or so, including cardiac and lung procedures, six days in the ICU and weeks in bed on an oncology unit in Nashville. It's been harrowing, humorous at times, and just plain hard. This was one I almost didn't come through. There's plenty of fodder for thought and reflection as I regain my strength. I'm very grateful. I came home several days ago. I'm using a walker like the frail old lady I am, at least for now. I'm getting more independent every day, reconditioning and rebuilding both strength and confidence. We return to Nashville today for a week as an out-patient, finally starting my new chemo on the clinical trial on Tuesday. So, I AM still here! Thank you for your emails of concern at the long silence on this page. It ain't over 'til it's over and I guess I just need to keep showing up.
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